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What is it that makes a superhero?

Is it muscles of steel? The ability to see through brick walls? To be able to turn into a human butane torch?

Or is it smaller?

Like with Artie. A way of looking at the world and making everything in it a little bit stranger, and a little bit better.

--Big Pete, Farewell, My Viking part II

Character Name: Artie, the strongest man . . . in the WORLD!
Fandom: The Adventures of Pete and Pete
Send Artie a distress call! (or just a voicemail)
Living Arrangements: Porta-home, location TBA
Employment: Teaching Applied Dadaism!

No one is entirely sure what the true story behind Artie, the Strongest Man . . . in the World, is. We don't know where he comes from, or what he wants out of life. We don't know how he got his super-powers: whether he had radioactive fluid spilled on him, was bit by a strange insect, or if he was just born with them. We don't know how old he is, what kind of ice cream he prefers, or even his last name.

What we do know is this: Artie was once the personal superhero for a 10 year old boy named Pete Wrigley in a town called Wellsville. When Pete Wrigley no longer needed him, Artie went away. They didn't know where he was going, or even, really, why he was going. Just that he was there, and then he was gone.

There are a few other things that are known about Artie: 1) He is the strongest man in the world. That's not just exaggeration. He lifts buildings. He runs at extraordinary speeds. He can throw newspapers fast enough to ignite them, and has deadly accuracy with a bowling ball. He can see great distances (when he's wearing his glasses), has heat vision, and super-hearing. He is a super-person. 2) He is irrisistably drawn to the sound of Funk. He will come when it calls, and he will dance. He has been known to describe himself as being "super-freaky". It's an accurate description. 3) He lives in a porta-home. We don't know why; we've never asked him. 4) His only known defeat was at the, er, "hands" of the mythic bowling ball, Rolling Thunder. It was a long and noble battle, but he was, ultimately, defeated. 5) He has a long standing feud with a swarm of Africanized bees. 6) He reacts to the sound of a whammy bar like it's kryptonite. 7) Artie is not an alien. He might be a mutant.

Whatever he is, he's here. Maybe for the summer, maybe longer. Either way, it should be an interesting ride.

fake journal of Artie, the Strongest Man . . . in the world! for fandomhigh